If You’ll Let Me, Let Me Love on You (Birthday Open Letter)
A birthday toast to the people who chose me—on purpose and by accident—and became part of my becoming.
Disclaimers: This post contains soft feelings and intentional gratitude. May Cause: Unexpected tears, random “I love you” texts to your friends, and a sudden urge to join the Spill App or subscribe to this blog because apparently we do love letters over here. 😅💌
Writing Playlist: ✍🏾✨
One score set the tone; two songs stayed on repeat—carrying the hours while the words found their way.
For my 32nd birthday, I didn’t want anything grand. I wanted a chill day filled with real joy, and a moment to love on the people who have been a truly special part of my becoming—some in my everyday life, and some through a little private corner of the internet that’s come to mean a lot to me.
My mom was super hype, trying to hide my gifts like I’m a kid the night before Christmas. Flowers, giant balloons, and two new bed sets…because when you hit your 30s, you start getting excited about things you can actually use every day. 😂
The night leading into my birthday, I couldn’t sleep to save my life. I finally went to bed at 7am and woke up at 11am…..like, “okay…we’re doing this.” I washed and blow-dried my hair like I had something to prove, knowing full well the humidity was going to humble me by nightfall. 😭
Still, I took my time getting dressed. I took a couple quick pictures at my vanity, because I deserved that. And if you don’t know this about me yet, I’m a cinephile—so catching a movie on my birthday was a must. I went to see Marty Supreme (I’ll drop my review at the very bottom of this).
After the movie, I made my way to my favorite Mexican spot and finally got some real tacos and a margarita. I’ve been thinking about tacos for months…Puerto Rico spoiled me back in September when I went to see Bad Bunny 🇵🇷💃🏾🪇🕺🏾🫶🏾 (more on that soon, because my first YouTube vlog is coming).
To close the day, I hopped on my favorite app, Spill and hosted my first live Tea Party, reading this love letter out loud. It was originally dedicated to a private group of 32 people, which feels like it must mean something considering this is year 32 for me. It took me a few weeks to write and decide if I wanted to share it publicly……and here we are. I hope you enjoy!
32nd Birthday Recap:
A few moments, good company, and pure joy!
The Letter:
“If You’ll Let Me, Let Me Love On You”
If you’ll allow me—just for a moment—I want to love on you.
This is a love letter to the people who have held me in ways they may never fully realize. The ones who show up, stay curious, pay attention, and make room for me to be human while I figure things out in real time.
Some of you I talk to every day. You know the cadence of my voice, the rhythm of my speech, the weight of my pauses when something’s off before I even say the words—the difference between my tired and my tired-tired. You’ve become closer than words can properly capture—woven into my real, everyday life in matters that extend far beyond this space. Your presence has steadied me.
And for those I’ve connected with in different ways—sometimes in once in a while passings, or through moments that may have felt small to you but landed deeply for me—your inclusion here is simple: presence isn’t measured by frequency, but by impact.
Before finding this community, I was just beginning to understand that I am more than what I produce. I’ve spent most of my life intertwined with my work, so much so that separating who I am from what I do felt almost impossible. Here, I’ve been given permission—sometimes directly, sometimes unspoken—to explore myself beyond productivity, and to ask life what really brings me joy. To notice what my body and spirit needs. To rest without guilt, and to celebrate myself just because without having to earn it first.
I’m still learning. I still push myself too hard. I’m still very much in the middle of it all. But I’m kinder to myself now. That’s what matters most, because at the end of the day, we’re all human beings living this specific life for the first time—learning through missteps, recalibrations, and moments of unexpected grace. What I’ve experienced here in this space is room to grow, to be great, to be wrong, and to be celebrated anyway.
And yet in this space, I’ve also experienced great loss.
I’ve lost friendship here. And I won’t unpack every detail, because some grief deserves privacy. But I will say this:
Forever is a long time to invest in someone who never intended to stay.
The pain came from realizing someone I grew to love as a friend wasn’t who I believed them to be. This kind of loss doesn’t announce itself loudly—it dismantles you quietly, demanding a mourning with no clear ending. What hurt most wasn’t the ending itself, but everything that lingered afterward: ideas we’d planned together still appearing on my calendar, moments we were meant to share simply passing without us, a future we’d imagined slowly evaporating—leaving only the ghost of what could have been.
And yet, even in that loss, there was growth. I learned more about myself than I ever could have otherwise—what I want, what I need, what I deserve in friendship. I learned how to name my boundaries without shrinking, how to ask for reciprocity without apology, how to trust my intuition when something no longer feels aligned. Without that experience, I wouldn’t be who I am right now.
Still, I don’t regret loving fully. I don’t regret trusting deeply. Love—the honest, expansive, platonic kind—is never wasted, even when it ends.
Be brave enough to love out loud!
To those of you who may not realize the role you’ve played in my life: Thank you.
If you’ve:
checked in on me
shared my work
laughed with me when laughter felt out of reach
offered advice, encouragement, or quiet understanding
reminded me—directly or indirectly—that my gifts have value, and
trusted me with your stories, your questions, your becoming—and allowed me to listen, to hold space, or to pour into you in whatever way I could. . .
Then know this: YOU ALL MATTER TO ME, SO DAMN MUCH!
I carry screenshots of your kindness. Messages I return to when doubt gets loud. Evidence that I am seen, remembered, considered, and loved. I spent years yearning for this kind of connection, and now that I’m living inside of it, I’m learning to believe I deserve it.
Last year tested me deeply.
The lessons came in letting go— of people, former versions of myself, timelines I thought would last longer than they did—while learning to hold space for harmony between work and rest, faith and fear, ambition and softness.
Through it all, I’ve felt held and truly cared for.
So as I step into another year of life, I didn’t want anything grand—just a moment of your time to acknowledge the people carrying me through this season, those of you who chose me every day, and the ones who did so without even realizing it.
Thank you for being here!
Thank you for reading or listening—now, or later, whenever this finds you!
Thank you for existing in my life in the way only you can!
With love, always,
Ril 🖤
Bring out the waterworks, lol! I didn’t cry all day until my friends surprised me with a personal birthday cake and sang Happy Birthday to me. 😭
#TacosForRil
#TacosForRil was really a movement. I love it here!!! 😭🌮 Gang really showed up and showed OUT with the scrumdiddlyumptious. My tacos could not compete appearance wise, but they bust!!!!!
The Ril Talk
2025 wasn’t the easiest, but I LIVED MY BEST DAMN LIFE through it!!!!!
I experienced a lot, cried a lot, and laughed even more!
I took about 47 trips to the movies 📽️🍿 (and yes…some films got watched eight times—mind your business). I moved around too—visited three states, made my first trip to Puerto Rico, and went to three concerts. I made new friends. I blossomed. Lost old friends. I celebrated big wins and sat with real disappointments. I got really sick. I did deep introspective work. I learned. Unlearned. I grew—emotionally, spiritually, creatively, and personally.
It wasn’t perfect, not even close, but it was transformative. I’m proud to say 2025 was the best year of my life so far, because I finally learned what it means to coexist with what I can control—and what I can’t. I finally learned how to live in the middle of it all—how to be happy on purpose, and keep choosing life through the mess and the mercy.
To everyone rooting for me, checking in, supporting me, reminding me who I am—I love you from the bottom of my heart! Truly. 2026 feels different…in a way I can’t fully explain yet, but I can feel it! I’m proud of myself for pushing through, and I’m excited about where I’m headed.
Looking Back at 2025:
Proof that I lived. What a magnificent, and stretching year.
In 2025, I Practically Lived in the Movie Theater
Not every film moves me enough to write a full blog breakdown. Sometimes it’s just a quick Spill take for my fellow film lovers and creatives. Marty Supreme was one of those—here are my honest, in-the-moment thoughts.
SPILL is where I’m the most active in the social media world. Come catch some glimpses of my everyday life.
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Book a service (I’m in West Midtown Atlanta and travel)
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Thank you for caring!
It feels good to be back in this space!
As always, thank you so much for taking the time to read.🌹
Until next time,
Your Beauty Experience Coach,
Found this helpful? Don’t keep it to yourself—share it with your beauty pro friends or your community! Let’s keep the conversation going drop a comment below or slide into my DMs—I’d love to hear your thoughts! ♥️💭✨
